It seems like most of the times that I've written a new post I'm back and forth from San Francisco to San Diego. Well, here I am again back in San Francisco! I came back here on the 20th of January, right after watching the Inauguration of Barack Obama as president. I don't think I've ever been so sad to leave San Diego before. I actually teared up a little as I was saying goodbye to my parents, my brother Carlo, and Harley, and I've never done that before with them. I think more and more I do miss my family. I hate that I miss so much of their lives, and the lives of my best friends Erika and Sarah, and that I'm missing out on moments with them. But that happens, right? At some point in your life, you just have to leave for awhile to do your own thing. What also adds to my sudden homesickness is the fact that I left home relatively quickly after graduating high school, and I'm the kind of person who places a lot of importance on family, and it's not like I've had much of a social life up here. Ha!

Anyway, I have been struggling with the idea lately of whether to go back home to San Diego or keep trying to make it work here in San Francisco. It seems to be getting more and more challenging every year, and more and more stressful. And it doesn't help that there have been budget cuts at school with compacted classes that make it harder for me to finish my schooling here. I've been so stressed out the past two years for many different factors and reasons, it's really abused my health, but I kept pushing myself to go on cause I would feel like I failed if I didn't, and I really wanted to see if I could make it. But now it's not so much about whether I could make it or not cause I now know I can. I realize that when I set my mind to something, I put all my heart into it, and exhaust a lot of my energy towards it; with that I know I can be confident. But I also have to be honest when something's not working out, and recently I've been wondering if I've been honest with myself about how the situation up here is going. It is one of the most challenging experiences I've faced in my life, so far, and things seem to get only more twisted and complicated...like somehow Fate itself is trying to push me back home. There's too many reasons why it might be necessary for me to go back home, too many things to talk about. It would ease things a lot if I went back home, but like I wrote on a blog on MySpace (I didn't want to write it in here, it was too personal) I also don't know what I'd do if I went back to San Diego. It's still a toss-up. I still have to think about it a lot and see how this semester goes. Either way, whatever decision I make, it's going to be difficult because there'll be sacrifices involved. Honestly I really want to graduate from San Francisco State University, so I hope I can make it work here for a bit longer, but I also know that I can't always have what I want and sacrifices always have to be made to do what's best. We'll see...

In other news, the Spring Semester has started (on the 26th of January), and I still haven't been able to take any of my Criminal Justice classes. I'm not surprised, but at least this time around most of my classes are relevant to my ability to graduate. I'm taking two American Indian Studies classes, History of California, and History of Journalism (the one class that is completely irrelevant for me). The classes aren't bad, but this semester doesn't seem to be going so well so far financially for me. I'm having the hardest time finding a job out here, and my unemployment checks haven't been coming in for almost a month now. The Employment Development Department's been busy and this past Friday was when I finally got some sort of response from them to indicate what the hell happened. They're going to interview me again, but not 'til the freakin 24th of this month. Geezus, I've got bills to pay and food to buy and survive off from. But at least from that little response of "We're going to interview you" gives me some hope that I'll get my unemployment insurance checks again. I hope, I hope, I hope.

My roommates and I are also moving into a new house at the end of the month. Yes, we found a house! In Daly City. It's a pretty big and spacey house for a decent price. Very retro, too - think 1950s. It's being re-modeled, though, and there's a chandelier in the dining area that's too retro for me. Can't stand it, I'm gonna change it myself. It's a little exciting to move into something better than here (although the location can't be beat here), but it's also been a pain cause it's draining the hell out of my pockets, i.e. money, and time. I'm gonna have to wake up at 6am every day now cause it's going to be a bit of a commute to campus, but I can't complain. That's still nothing compared to when I would wake up at 4am five days a week and commute an hour to work back in San Diego.We're also looking for a new roommate to fill in the 4th bedroom. Josh and Teresa are taking care of that, though.

Yeah, that's about it. I'm feeling the strain and pressure of my finances again, so I'm gonna look for more jobs now. I hope everyone's well.

With love,
Faith :)

Did you ever have that sad longing sense of nostalgia after reading a book that you enjoyed? It's that odd mixture of both feeling satisfied that you finished - knowing what happened and all the secrets hidden within this book and the story in it - and bittersweet sadness that it has ended; that you can no longer continue on with the journey that it has taken you. You've become so engaged in the story that you get lost in it having the book become the companion that guides you through the journey as you fall in love with the characters and their utter human qualities of strengths and weaknesses, respecting them for what they've been through, and inspiring you to be so strong. It's strange how a story within a book can create such a connection with you, but it's wonderful as well. It's like taking a trip somewhere and in the end missing the people you spent time with - when the journey has ended and you're back to everyday life.

That's how I feel right now. I just got finished reading a book my sister, Genevieve, had given me for Christmas - a book called Tithe. It's a dark faerie tale about a girl who finds out she's a pixie and gets caught in the middle of a power struggle between two rival kingdoms. It's dark, edgy, and wierd, and I like it. I guess my only critique of the story is that the formula of how the events happen is so like many movies I've seen or books I've read, but that's also not a bad thing. Typical "Heroes Journey" but it works. I hope that there'll be sequels to the story, but it also works if there's not.

Thanks Gen, for the cool book. :)

*edit: I just found that there is a sequel to the story... So, the journey begins again. ;)*

The end is only the beginning,
Faith